For My Mind Is Treacherous

This hope is treacherous, this daydream is dangerous.

How You Know Someone Cares

Someone who cares will ask you how your day is. They want to know what you’re doing; they want to know if something significant has happened in your life. You don’t have to talk to them all the time, but when you do see them, they will want to know how you are. Not out of some sort of obligation, but because they genuinely want to know.

Someone who cares will tell you things. They’ll tell you how ridiculous that parking ticket was; they’ll tell you a joke they found hilarious. Some people share more than others, but someone who cares will tell you things that matter to them, no matter how small that thing is.

Someone who cares will listen. Now, there are times when they won’t listen well. We all do that sometimes: we’re distracted, or so excited we talk over each other. But a person who cares will listen to you regularly, because your opinions matter to them. The things you say make some sort of impact on them – your opinions make them think, or make them laugh. But in their way, whatever that way is, they will listen.

Someone who cares wants to see you. They like spending time with you. It’s not hard to read the pleasure on their face in your company. Someone who doesn’t care is ambivalent, or pays attention only when it suits their selfish purposes.

A person who cares about you will take time for you. Even if it’s just a few times a year – that friend from your hometown, the one separated from you by an entire 2000 miles. When you’re home, they will want to see you. They’ll chat with you online, or maybe they’ll call you. Sometimes weeks or months might pass, but when it counts, if in your darkest hour you need them, they will respond, and will do so gladly.

Someone who cares will not make you feel bad for taking up said time. Although they might be busy, so are you. They will want to spend the time on you because that is just what you do when you care for someone. They won’t make you feel bad for asking to hang out, feel guilty that your time is less valuable than whatever else they are doing.

People are never perfect, so you will not always get along with the person who cares about you. Sometimes you will be frustrated, or feel ignored, or accidentally ignore them, or fight. Mistakes will be made, because hey, we’re all human. But then time passes, and if you can, you rectify the situation. Because that’s what you do with people who truly matter.

Sometimes a person who once cared for you stops caring. Maybe they wanted to end your relationship, be it romantic, platonic, or familial. Maybe you did something wrong, or distance separated you, or they changed as a person. Sometimes you bond with someone, or do something for them, or have a heart-to-heart, and they care for you once more. Caring is a fluid thing that can change over time. But there are also some people who never really cared for you, people who you know will never care for you, no matter what you do.

People who don’t care will not text you back. If you make no effort to see them or talk to them, you know, deep down, they won’t try. They will forget you if you stop trying. Because if a person doesn’t care about you, they rarely think about you. They don’t care about your opinions. Because if you care about someone, they exist in your mind. You think about them, you wonder about them, perhaps not all the time, but they are there.

If it’s a boyfriend or girlfriend, someone who doesn’t care about you will not try to make you come. They are so concentrated on their own pleasure that yours means nothing to them. When you’re talking, they will not want to know how you are doing. I once met an old acquaintance I hadn’t seen for a year. He did not ask a single question about me, but just talked about himself. If a person doesn’t care about you, they won’t register your facial expressions. They won’t try to smooth things over if things go wrong. They will never consider your feelings, but instead think only of their own.

A person who doesn’t care about you is not necessarily a bad person. It’s just that they are not attached to you. Maybe they have enough people in their life to care about. Maybe there are things about you they don’t like that they have never mentioned.  Occasionally, they are just a selfish and uncaring person. Sometimes there is no real reason. But it is important to really think about the people who care about you and the people who don’t. Because when you care for someone, you invest in them. What happens to them affects you, and their lack of care will hurt you. So cherish the people who care about you, and do not invest your time, and your heart, into people who do not.

Tu me manques tellement, ça me rend malade

What Happened On The Fourth Week Of April?

Hey all!

It's coming to the end of April. May will greet us soon. Time flies. SUPER FAST. I remember when I was still in Colorado, during my senior year, this is the time where I got all hyped up about graduation. This is the time I did all the crazy stuffs I always wanted to do. This is also the time where I took some personal time to walk around the school area alone absorbing and memorizing all the scenery I'm going to miss today, two years after my graduation. But, that's not what I'm going to talk about in this entry. I want to talk about the boring stuffs happened during the fourth week of April 2013.

As usual, the boring stuffs, I was super busy with the work in the office. I feel like 24 hours a day is just not enough for someone to do the job or complete some tasks. I think I need more than that, speaking about greediness and poor time management. I still haven't finish my grade promotion project, and the deadline is coming soon, I need to get promoted by May. I'm like super buzzed right now. Aside from all the issues and services I need to do for clients, I also need to complete my grade project which is tough! I'm trying my best to do this. I don't deny, sometimes I feel like giving up, but then, it will be a waste of nine months since I started working there. So, I'm going to work really hard and show to everybody that I'm an engineer and I can definitely do this. Lately, I've been spending my Sundays in the office or getting a nice cup of Grande Hot Chocolate and working in Starbucks.

- My weekend Working-In-Starbucks routine -

Enough about the boring working part, but not yet to the happy part. This week has been a super fast and really tiring week. I had some bad news coming in too, not specifically about me but about the people around me. First, one of my hang-out buddy is quitting his job due to poor ratings from the client. But I told him that "everything has its first time, take this as a lesson learnt, and move on". I hope he thinks about this properly before resigning. Me and him and three other Grade Eight engineers were very close to each other, we hang around often, like almost every day, be it breakfast, lunch or dinner. So it's going to be quite sad, if one of us is leaving. And once a person starts to leave, there will be others who are going to follow his lead too. That has always been the case. Deep in my heart, I was praying so that he doesn't leave. Second, my friend's uncle just passed away, it was on Friday. Just on Thursday I was happily talking to my friend in the car, we were on our way home, back from the office, when she received the bad news from her mother. Her mother told her that her uncle was involved in a serious accident and that the doctor said, he don't stand a chance. My heart was shattered, I felt so sorry for her, in a blink of an eye, the mood turned very dark indeed. We were quietly praying in our heart for her uncle, I quietly sent her to the nearest LRT station so that she could get to the hospital. The last word I spoke to her is that "keep calm and keep on praying". I haven't seen her since that night, but I got the news that her uncle was in coma for several hours and he just couldn't make it, he passed away on Friday. I cried. Bad news never had good timing.

Enough of the sad news. Wow, I've never thought that this entry would be this dark. OK, really, enough of the dark stuffs, moving on to the bright side and happy ones. One of the perks of this week is that I got to meet some people I haven't met in years. The last time I met them was probably 5 years ago, they were my friends in pre-college school. Nana and Wani, it was very random. I met Wani on Friday morning at San Francisco Coffee Shop in my office building. It seemed like she has a meeting with a client. We got to sit and talk with each other for like 15 minutes before I need to rush to my office. Glad that we exchanged contact details, it is always great to broaden your network especially when you are a career woman. Then I met Nana on the sidewalk for like 5 minutes on Friday afternoon, I feel bad because I need to rush to see one of my clients. I wished I had more time to talk to her, she has always been one of my favorite person during my pre-college years. After that I met my college buddies, Amir, Kimah and her fiance. We had a great dinner where we talk about some crazy lifestyle Amir had, and also about Kimah's engagement, it was really nice to catch up things with these awesome people. I can't wait to attend Kimah's wedding on December this year, it's gonna be super awesome!

- The cafe where we had dinner -

- Amir & Kimah -

And yeah, not to forget, I finally meet my favorite junior in college, Edwin. We worked for the same company but I haven't seen him for 4 months due to his training in Australia. I kinda miss him, we used to have lunch or dinner together. He is so SKINNY now after he got back from the rig, I'm jealous. And during my college years, he has always been really helpful towards me. It's really nice to catch things up with him too. He always makes me laugh, that's the fun thing about him, he has the ability to make me smile, laugh and not think about the bad stuffs. Thanks for the great time Edwin! Let's do this more often.

- Edwin (Yeah, I cropped myself out) -

With all these bad and good things happened, I realized that, this is the circle of life. Sometimes you're at the top, and sometimes you'll be down the hill. But it's OK, just keep moving on. What doesn't kill you, will make you stronger. On a happy note, I did some shopping for myself, had some good foods and hang out with my favorite people during the weekends.

 - Present. Thank you :) -

 - Had been craving for Italian foods for a week.

So I had chicken meatballs spaghetti for lunch today -

- Bought myself a super comfy cute shoes -

Went all the way to Setia City Mall to shop which is like half an hour away from Kuala Lumpur if you're using the expressway. Lucky my friend was driving. I could use some time to sleep in the car , on the way to the Mall. After we came back from the Mall, we straight away went to this food market or 'Pasar Malam' as you Malaysians called it, to buy foods for dinner. You'll never have 'Pasar Malam' anywhere else in the world, it's definitely one of the perks of living in Malaysia.

 - The view before you reach Jalan Duta Toll Booth -

 - Jelatek Pasar Malam on Saturday -

It's close to 2AM in Malaysia. I need to sleep now, so that I could wake up tomorrow and work on my Project. How sad, tomorrow is Sunday, who works on Sunday anyway!? Yes, that would be me. Hope everyone had a fun weekend :)

Vivre la vie au maximum, mais jouer en toute sécurité.

A Letter To Myself

Dearest Syaza,

Chill out already!

It’s okay to stray from your planned conception of the future. You’re still young and resilient, and even though your surroundings don’t look like the pretty picture you imagined in your head; it will be okay. Try to just go with it. Shakespeare said, “Expectation is the root of all unhappiness.” Think on that for a bit, Syaza.

Yes, it is possible to feel alone in your hometown. It will get better. And if it doesn’t, that will be your sign. You know it will be time to move on.

Bring peace to your mind. Love the fact that you earned what you were working toward for the past few years. Be proud.

Try harder to keep in touch with everyone. It seems easy. But you know it will get hard with mortgages and babies and jobs and dishes to wash. These people you know are important though, they’re in your life for a reason. So make a concerted effort to be with them before its too late. Love and be loved.

While we’re at it don’t waste time with the people who aren’t good for you. This life is short. Think about your own mortality. Adjust your behavior accordingly.

Trust your gut feelings more. Emotions contain more knowledge and wisdom than we give them credit for. Spend less and save more. Or at least buy something more interesting than clothes. Try not to worry so much. Those late nights spent wondering how things will work out are much better spent in the joyful warmth of dream. Know that everything will be okay in the end.

Be less critical of others. We all have our own challenges.

And, Syaza, most importantly – Get outside of your comfort zone. Being terrified of something isn’t a good reason not to do it. It might even be the best reason to try it.

Yours Truly.

Ne soyez pas désolé, être fier de toi.

Of Inspiration, Aspiration & Motivation

If you don't know who's Fynn Jamal yet, you should go and check her out. Amazing woman! I want to be like her in some way, some day.

This is something I came across today on her blog. Made me ponder and wonder and think.

Katanya

Suruh tengok2 hati dia--
dah kecik, katanya.
Suruh tengok2 perasaan dia--
dah calar, katanya.

Asyik kita menengok-jaga.
Yang kita punya terlanyak2--
ada orang tanya?

Meet Laura Zocca

Meet this girl, Laura Zocca. She made a cover of all 19 songs from Taylor Swift's new Album, Red. It's more like a medley actually. It was super nice and I'm loving it since the first time I heard it. Highly recommended. She got that sultry, melancholic, lullaby-ish voice which is why I love all of her covers. YouTube doesn't even do her justice. She needs to be famous soon. An angel's voice that puts me to sleep every time I listened to this.

Laura Zocca - RED's Album Medley

Of Broken Things And Broken Heart

Yesterday I was working on my Grade Promotion Project. I was stressed out with the deadline of this project so much, since there are so many things to do, yet so little time left. While working on the project, I needed to jot down some stuff on my notes and found myself randomly searching for a pen in my bag. And that's when my heart doesn't feel quite right ...

I grabbed of what seemed like half of my reading glasses, and when I pulled it out, my nightmare came true. My favorite reading glasses was snapped into half. I don't know how, I don't know when, It just did! Then I frantically searched for its other half, there I found it. My heart started to break. That was my favorite reading glasses. I have had it since 2008, and that was 5 years. If you take that 5 years in a relationship, you would find that it was amazing that a relationship can go through such a long period without breaking down. That's how I felt about my favorite reading glasses, the time we've spent together is just too PRECIOUS. It helped me to dress up like a hipster, made me look like a nerd when I wanted to, disguised me up when I was crying so it was not too obvious that I was tearing up, and made me appear intelligent all the time I wore it (LOL, a little exaggeration here, but nevertheless, true). You will be missed.

After calming myself down, I continued searching for a pen (Mind you, I almost forgot that I was actually searching for a pen), then I pulled out this pen someone gave to me a couple of months ago. Then my heart started to break again, for this pen too, was snapped at a critical part of its body. That's when I really break down (Maybe, it's because I'm having that "time-of-the-month", you know) and I got really emotional, I was crying like crazy. This pen is the only thing that reminds me of the person who gave it to me, and now I have nothing left of him to remember. Great! And I don't even have the guts to tell him that the pen was broken, because I'm afraid he would think that I'm not appreciating him. I felt really, really, really bad of myself.

Now I don't have any pen nor reading glasses left with me. I have to wait till Monday to get to the office and get a new pen for myself. Maybe I'm not being appreciative of things I have, maybe, just maybe, I was taking everything for granted. And now that they are gone I feel like I've lost a portion of my life. You see, in life, people took things for granted, they only realized the true value of the things and its true meaning once it is gone from their life. Lesson learnt: Don't take things for granted in life, especially with the person you love. Tell your parents that you love them everyday, or your boyfriend, or your girlfriend, or whoever you wanted to say "I love you" or "I miss you" to when you had the chance, because nothing can bring them back once they are gone or out of your life. Even that fifty thousand tears you cried won't bring them back to you. Appreciate the things and people around you.

Je suis navré et tu me manques mère.

How Do I Come Up With The Name?

OK. So I'm dedicating my first post on how do I come up with my blog's name.

I've spent the last two hours trying to choose a nice title for my blog. And I'd never thought that those two hours would be one of the hardest two hours I went through in my life. I literally tried every name and foreign phrases exist, but all of them are taken. Well, maybe they are too common ; you know stuffs like C 'est La Vie and song titles like Stop This Train are everyone's first choice. And then I tried some ridiculous phrases like Cant Think Of A Name, All Titles I Want Are Taken, and some other phrases too, believe me, they are all TAKEN! Then I said to myself, all right, let's keep it simple lady! I think of my favorite things in the world, and that's how I came up with chocochip-frappuccino and Signorina In Red.

I was actually munching on this super delicious curry puff I bought from IKEA this morning, when I felt so thirsty and looked for some drinks, I thought of Starbucks. Oh hey! My favorite drink from Starbucks has always been the chocolate ice blended. You do know that they named it differently in different countries. They called it Double Chocolaty Chip Frappuccino in the US and in Malaysia they called it Chocolate Chip Cream Frappuccino. I tried my luck with chocolatechipfrappuccino, oh well, of course it's taken! Duh! So I tried a variation of the original and came up with chocochip-frappuccino. And voila! Surprise surprise, it's available! And without thinking twice, I straight away grab the name. And that's how my blog's URL was invented.

As for the 'Signorina In Red' title, this was much easier. Last month I went for a dinner with my friend and came across this perfume exhibition in KLCC, they were promoting this new Salvatore Ferragamo's perfume, Signorina! I took a sample and fell in love with the scent at first sniff. The promo scene of the exhibition is just enchanting, a graceful young lady in a sweet pink dress. Signorina has now become one of my favorite perfume at the moment. Mind you, I never get to buy it though, I was too busy to even get into KLCC these days. At first I was thinking of naming my blog Signorina In Pink which means Miss In Pink, but then I thought of adding some twist to the title. My favorite album at the moment is Red by Taylor Swift. Oh hey, Ms.Swift is one of my favorite singer, it doesn't matter if she sings Country or Pop, as long as the song is good, I'm fine with it. And that's how I came up with Signorina In Red. It means Lady In Red, a young lady who's all grown up, exuding all confidence in the world and is totally fearless!

Oui, c'est moi.